


i loved you in spite of deep fears that the world would divide us

by piercifers



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: (the former is more important than the latter but they both show up), 5+1, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, lucifer's family sucks... as always, marcus knows lucifer like the back of his hand, other characters might show up briefly or be mentioned
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:20:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25136059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/piercifers/pseuds/piercifers
Summary: Being engaged isn’t all wedding plans and spending time with your beloved partner, at least not for Lucifer Morningstar. No, for Lucifer engagement is living, for a year and a half, with the fear that his beloved might die (at the hands of his family nevertheless) or leave him. Despite that, he might just get his happy ending, but not without a lot of tears.AKA 5 times Marcus cheered up a crying Lucifer + 1 time he didn't
Relationships: Lucifer Morningstar/Marcus Pierce
Comments: 2
Kudos: 54





	i loved you in spite of deep fears that the world would divide us

Lucifer just stood still, wings out and gaze fixed on the spot where his brother sat mere seconds ago. 

“Lucifer?” Marcus asked, his voice barely above that of a whisper. “Lucifer, are you ok?” he asked slightly louder when he saw that he got no reaction from Lucifer. 

In that moment Lucifer shook awake from his thoughts and he turned his head to look at his boyfriend, eyes wide and almost curious, almost unnervingly so. 

“Are you alright?” Marcus asked as softly as he could possibly muster, taking Lucifer’s hand in his own and rubbing Lucifer’s knuckles with his thumb. “You don’t ha-“ he started saying but then Lucifer jerked his hand away, walking right past Marcus and towards the balcony without saying a word.

Marcus followed, of course he did. Something was wrong with Lucifer and he wasn’t just going to let that slide. He placed a hand on Lucifer’s shoulder, Lucifer pulling away from Marcus’ touch right away. 

In that moment Marcus wasn’t sure what to do as Lucifer never shut himself out quite like that. Sure, it always took him a little to get through Lucifer and get him to open up depending on the matter at hand- that happened to him as well, opening up wasn’t easy and he very much understood that-, but Lucifer never out right rejected him like he was in that very moment. 

“Don’t worry about me, there’s nothing worth worrying about here.” Lucifer said, right as Marcus was about to open his mouth and say something. Lucifer’s tone was uncharacteristically cold and Marcus took a step back, as if the coldness of his boyfriend’s words physically hurt him. 

“Lucifer...”

“You heard me.” Lucifer said, his tone so sharp it could cut. Marcus wanted to protest further, not comfortable with leaving when Lucifer was clearly not okay, but he decided against it as he reckoned that Lucifer probably just needed a little space and that he was going to come around later.

Oh, how wrong he was as Lucifer didn’t even acknowledge his presence, let alone talk to him, for the rest of the night. The next day was the same, Lucifer only ever talking to him if it was work related, and even then he kept as brief as possible. 

The phenomenon slowly extended over the following week, Marcus being forced to watch Lucifer from afar, as if Lucifer was a stranger Marcus irrationally had a crush on and not his literal boyfriend. 

“You can talk to me, you know that, right?” he asked Wednesday night as he got home from work and Lucifer didn’t even bother to greet him. Lucifer looked up from his book and looked at his boyfriend just as his very own words hit Marcus at full speed and he looked down, ashamed. 

What he didn’t realize was that Lucifer looked at him for a completely different reason because, while Marcus intended for his words to come out as harsh and angry, they came out soft and laced with worry. And that was something that Lucifer couldn’t have expected after the past few days. 

“I’m... I’m sorry for saying that. It came out really... harsh and I’m sorry.” he blurted out, shifting in his spot as he tried to think of what to say next. “I know that’s not a good excuse but I’ve been really,” he sighed, “worried for you these past few days.” he looked up. “I’ve also missed you. A lot.” he managed to say, although just barely as the intensity of his words was a little too much for him to handle even if the words were directed at the one person he felt comfortable with.

“Please talk to me, Lucifer.” he started and he almost took one step, but the look on Lucifer’s told him not to. “I’m your boyfriend, Lucifer, and I-I love you.” he said as he took a step back, gritting his teeth as he felt his chest tighten, feeling that he hasn’t felt in a long, long time and that he tried to ignore. “And I’m worried for you right now because you are clearly not fine, like you say you are, and I’m even more worried than I would usually be because you keep pushing me away and you don’t let me even try to help you.”

He waited. Waited for Lucifer to say something but all Lucifer did was stare at him with this unreadable look on his face. Marcus tensed up. He could feel his hands shaking as he tried to gather the courage to open his mouth and just let out the thought that has been crossing his mind all day. 

“And if you don’t want me to help, or if you just don’t want me here for some reason you can just say that instead of ignoring me.” he finally said, his words colder than ice and so sharp they could cut diamonds and he turned to leave because he couldn’t stay there anymore, he just couldn’t. 

He intended to go spend the night at his old house because, while he hadn’t been there in years, it was ought to have been better than spending the night being ignored by his own boyfriend, as if he was some sort of ghost that was stuck there and couldn’t leave and who was instead just forced to watch.

But, before he managed to move a single muscle, Lucifer stood up. 

“Please don’t go.” he practically begged, shaking as he tried to hold his tears back. 

Marcus slowly took a step closer to Lucifer at that, waiting to see how Lucifer reacted before rushing at his boyfriend’s side, everything else forgotten in a second. He didn’t lose a moment to pull Lucifer into a hug, holding him close and rubbing his back in an attempt to soothe his sobbing boyfriend.

“I’m so sorry.” Lucifer said between sobs, starting to sob even harder as he thought about just how terribly he’d treated Marcus those past few days. “I-I... Y-You can go if you want, it’s fine. I don’t mind.” he said, backtracking on what he just said minutes ago as guilt settled into him and it made his stomach turn. “I understand if you don’t want to be around me right now...” 

Marcus pulled Lucifer closer. “Of course I want to be around you, Lucifer. I love you.” he said with a smile and he kissed Lucifer’s tear stained cheek. 

Lucifer looked at Marcus at that, his sobbing coming to a halt but his vision was still blurred by the tears, but he didn’t last for more than a few moments before he started crying again. “But-but I pushed you away!” he said, his voice trembling, and he took a couple of steps back. 

“I didn’t talk to you! I literally ignored you! Why aren’t you mad at me?” he shouted, forcing himself to look at Marcus as he waited for Marcus to come to his senses and break up with him. “I hurt you and you’re still here, why?” he added a couple of moments later, his voice just barely above a whisper, but Marcus heard him just fine.

“You didn’t mean to.” Marcus argued- although he didn’t quite believe that himself-, his expression soft and his gaze loving, and Lucifer took another step back as tears started falling down his face. 

“How can you be so sure? What if I did want to hurt you? What if I wanted you to hate me? What if I wanted you to leave me and find someone better? What would you do then?” Lucifer asked, trying to hold himself steady as he spoke and his words were laced with venom, but Marcus’ expression didn’t change. 

Marcus had already figured that Lucifer knew exactly what he was doing. Lucifer may have chosen to be good and kind but that didn’t make him oblivious or naive or unknowledgeable, nor did it make him incapable of causing harm. So Marcus figured that Lucifer’s actions were very purposeful and he figured that Lucifer didn’t want him around him anymore, but Marcus had wanted to hear that from Lucifer himself.

Of course, that turned out not to be the case, but that didn’t make Marcus’ reasoning wrong. Because Lucifer’s mood did change when Amenadiel showed up and brought up their relationship, relationship that dear ol’ (and almighty)  _ Dad  _ did not approve of. But he interpreted that mood change the wrong way. 

“I’m sure you had your reasons.” he said, choosing to be truthful, and he took one tentative step forward. Lucifer tensed up at that, but he didn’t try to put back the space between them. Still, Marcus didn’t try to take another step. “And, just so that we’re clear, I don’t want anyone else. I’ve already got the best there is and nothing will change my mind.”

Lucifer laughed at that, a bitter laugh. “Right! And I suppose that means that you’re willing to put up with my family and all of their schemes to break us up just because you’re not the human they wanted me to be with?” Lucifer took a step forward. His tone was menacing and venomous.

“And when I say schemes I mean… well, just about anything they can think of, doesn’t matter how cruel or painful.” He took another step. “They will lie to and maim the both of us, with no remorse, if that’s what it takes.” Another step. “And those are just my siblings, whose abilities are limited.” And another step. “But there’s my Father too, and He can do so much worse and He will gladly do so much worse if that means that I’ll do what He says.” And another, his tone getting more menacing with every sentence. 

“And if you’re shrugging this off, thinking that the only thing that could sway you would death then you’re not only underestimating my Father, but do you really think that if He were to kill you that that would be all?” And another. “No, that would be just the beginning of an eternity of unimaginable suffering, all because you dared to look at me!” And another.

“So are you  _ really _ sure that you’re willing to put up with that just for me?” he asked, standing up straight and his eyes glowing red at that point, but despite it all his hands were shaking and he looked like he was on the verge of tears (again).

“Yes.” Marcus said, exuding confidence, and his soft, loving expression remained unchanged. Lucifer’s expression twisted in bewilderment as he took on step back. “I would endure anything for you. I love you and I simply cannot imagine my life without in it and nothing, not even death, could sway me.” he said and he reached out, taking Lucifer’s hand in his own and his touch was so gentle and yet it still broke Lucifer- who could feel the tears forming in his eyes.

“And as far as I’m concerned they can do anything they want to me: they can try to deceive me, they can try to trick me, they can torture me, cut me up into pieces, burn me and then throw the ashes, lock me away, kill me or whatever else they can come up with, I don’t care as long as I’m with you. And if I’m not with you then I’ll find a way to make my way back to you. And now that you tried to both push me away  _ and  _ scare me off, how about we talk?”

Lucifer’s expression was unreadable once again, Lucifer just silently staring at Marcus, but Marcus had heard enough to know what was really going on and when he had asked Lucifer if they could talk, he didn’t do it to find out what was wrong with his boyfriend, but in hopes that talking would bring Lucifer some sort of catharsis.

Eventually, after seconds that felt like an eternity to Lucifer, his expression softened and his disbelief turned into wonder. “Would you really do that for me?” he asked softly and he looked down at his shaky hands, which Marcus held gently. 

“Of course I would.” Marcus said that matter-of-factly and all Lucifer could do was stare at him, rendered speechless by his boyfriend’s words. 

Marcus gave Lucifer a few moments to collect himself and then he tipped his head to the side, silently urging Lucifer to say something, anything. Instead Lucifer started shaking, and now it wasn’t just his hands that were shaking, but all of him, as tears started running down his face. 

He wasn’t sure if he was crying because of his boyfriend’s kind and loving words and his infinite amounts of patience, or if he was crying because of just how terrified he was. It could’ve been one, or it could’ve been the other. It may even have been because of both of those things, but Lucifer couldn’t know that. 

But what he did know was that he desperately needed to be held and Marcus was happy to oblige without even being asked to. He watched between tears as Marcus took off his jacket and threw it on the couch before taking off Lucifer’s suit jacket and Lucifer’s vest followed shortly after. 

Lucifer started sobbing at that, the softness of Marcus’ touch always surprising him, but in that moment it shattered him and it amazed him all at once. He allowed Marcus to sit him down on the couch, too much of a sobbing and shaking mess to object even if he had wanted to object, and he comfortably curled up on Marcus’ lap as soon as Marcus sat down next to him.

Marcus didn’t say anything; the only thing he did was hold Lucifer close and whisper soothing words and after a few minutes of trying to soothe Lucifer he sighed and he planted a small kiss on Lucifer’s temple, choosing to just silently hold Lucifer from that point on. He also let Lucifer cry, not just allowing, but encouraging Lucifer let it all out because, while it may not solve Lucifer’s problem, it was going to make him feel better. 

They had all the time in the world to talk and to acknowledge the grim reality that they would have to fight for their love from then on and then to start planning accordingly, so all Marcus was focused on in that moment was bringing Lucifer even the smallest bit of comfort that he could because making Lucifer feel less miserable was Marcus’ number one priority in that moment. Everything else could and would be dealt with later. 


End file.
